Januaries.

[serafaery]

My mom is dying. My brother and I have been with her since about 5pm, it's 1am and her caretaker just insisted I take a break. (I hadn't left her side except to eat and pee and when she got changed, my brother had already taken a couple naps). Harity is not so convinced mom is dying, is still doing everything she can, of course. She loves mom so much, she's so wonderful. Mom's nurse and doctor were more direct. (They've seen it enough.) And also so patient, and kind. The doctor gave me a very frank but also gentle run down of what to expect next and assured us that because of her comfort meds, she's okay. I got the initial call when I was with Tyler. Deep down Harity knows, she asked me about funeral arrangements on that call. Tyler flailed and fumbled with words and hugged me a lot. I've told josh (who brought me vegan next level chick'n and fries and my phone charger and chocolate), all of the Creelans, since Pam (Tyler's mom) put me in a group text earlier totally unrelated, so Ben also knows, the girls I was supposed to zoom with tonight, plus pixie, cynthia, and my step dad's girlfriend. I don't know who else I would tell. I was never able to connect with her old friends. It's okay. This is hard. I'm glad my brother is here. I wish we had more family. She's too young, it's not fair, her body is fighting as hard as it can. It's not easy to process. But it is what it is.

Comments

[kahluagal]

I'm so sorry love. Sending you hugs.