tuesday blues.

[serafaery]

I have spans of a few days where I feel like I'm doing better, and then I wake up in tears, again, and it feels like I'll never recover.

Was trying to wind down after journaling last night and watched this ASMR video and just sobbed and sobbed. I actually have always loved my veins, and their "spooky" appearance as Jillian calls it (mine have always been very prominent and visible because of my translucent skin), it's not about that, but more, for me, about not feeling good with a body that's aging so rapidly. I'm 7 or so years older than this person, and I feel for her, though being 38 was not difficult for me. It didn't really start getting painful until age 42, and it's ramped up in difficulty exponentially, since then. Covid doesn't help.

Watch on YouTube

I have to change and go to work and it's hard to imagine getting through the day, today. I hope I don't cry on any of my customers.

Comments

[kahluagal]

everything changes after 40 - I felt great until then and it's just been slowly rapidly scarily changing and I feel like an alien in my own body now

[serafaery]

it's hard. i'm glad i'm not the only one. none of my friends seem to feel this way or at least, they're not talking about it. two of them are totally focused on the menopause experience because they're both experiencing extremely early onset of perimenopause (they are younger than I am) and that's all they want to talk about, which is helpful for the future and i'm grateful, but not what i need at the moment.

[kahluagal]

it's a balance - we need to talk about women's changes more in society, but it's the last thing I want to focus on. I want to get healthy and make so many changes and remove all the things that are causing me stress.