serafaery

had a really tough day. the pain is just too much to function. there was so much i wanted to do. but, there is tomorrow. getting shut down on seeking medical help was pretty disheartening. it's so hard for me to make those phone calls, and i don't know how i'm going to try again anytime soon, after hitting such a huge wall.

apples still taste wonderful. there are good things. i burst into tears reading someone say, "I lived 81 years in Oregon and loved it!" just, because. i'm more than halfway there. that will sooner than i can blink, be me. and i was really hoping this might end up being forever. i love being alive and i'm so tired of watching lives end, feeling them end. losing my mom was not good. after losing my dad, never meeting his parents, losing mom's parents when i was so young. just me and my brother, now. i don't know how anyone keeps going, really.

i'm so grateful he and i have each other.