serafaery

There were a couple other things I wanted to get out about what's been causing me so much distress, but I keep spacing them because brain fog is one of them. the level of forgetfulness is intense. I am so tired of multitasking and then constantly forgetting what I am doing. It is something I was starting to try to train myself away from during pandemic but it's gotten really, really bad in the last few months. I am so constantly worried about managing everyone else's emotional state, it's something that has been revealed in therapy and it's really toxic for everyone and has to stop.

Some of it is also physical pain - my aches and pains have increased so much. I feel like I never really get a chance to heal.

There was one other thing, gah. My poor brain. Hopefully I'll think of it again, I just need to type it out, it's sort of like, detoxing, for me, to write these things down that are bothering me so much, but sitting under the surface and half suppressed.

Kitten is being very sweet and patient. She wants more attention but does not pester. She just asks politely. Such a love, my goodness. The blue eyes and pink nose and white fur is too much, she's too pretty to look at, it's wild.

I want to bake but we have too much food and I don't want to eat. Maybe some simple dinner rolls? I dunno. Craving comfort food. Nothing seems to do the trick. What can I do with leftover meringue? Maybe a fluffy ginger banana bread? I accidentally got too many bananas. And that Hawaiian ginger-like Galangal is incredible.

....

ETA: Ha, I just re-whipped my egg whites and ate a bowl of them with cinnamon (I had added vanilla to this as an alt version of whipped cream for the egg nog I made while tyler was here)

I remembered someone telling me on social media today that there is an effect of sobriety that big dates can be extra hard - I am struggling through my final week to reach a year of sobriety (no alcohol, and I don't do weed or other drugs either, just caffeine and the occasional serotonin-like compound in small doses) and apparently this is really common, that when big dates come up things feel a lot more challenging suddenly. Oh the joys of Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS).

While acute withdrawal refers primarily to the body's process of healing, a second phase of withdrawal symptoms, known as post-acute withdrawal syndrome, or PAWS, occurs as the brain recalibrates after active addiction. These symptoms, unlike the first stage of acute withdrawal, typically involve more of the psychological and emotional aspects of withdrawal. Depending on the duration and intensity of alcohol or other drug addiction, this secondary withdrawal syndrome can occur a few weeks into recovery or a few months down the road.

Often, symptoms are triggered by stress or brought on by situations involving people, places or things that remind the individual of using. Many people in recovery describe the symptoms of PAWS as ebbing and flowing like a wave or having an "up and down" roller coaster effect. In the early phases of abstinence from substance use, symptoms can change by the minute. As individuals move into long-term recovery from alcohol or drug dependence, the symptoms occur less and less frequently.

What are the most common symptoms of PAWS?
In order to minimize the risk of relapse, it's important to recognize that many of the unpleasant or uncomfortable sensations and feelings you experience in early recovery could be symptoms of PAWS. It's also important to understand that PAWS symptoms are temporary. Here are some of the most common symptoms:

Foggy thinking/trouble remembering
Urges and cravings
Irritability or hostility
Sleep disturbances—insomnia or vivid dreams
Fatigue
Issues with fine motor coordination
Stress sensitivity
Anxiety or panic
Depression
Lack of initiative
Impaired ability to focus
Mood swings