serafaery

Just got back from my orthopedist/PT appt, we x-rayed my back, in general things look okay but at the site of the pain, I have narrowing between the joint and a bone spur.

Sooooooo. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

My poor husband. "You can get bone spurs in your BACK? How does THAT work?" lol.

I've already dealt with this in my feet, it's not that shocking given how much pain I've been in for how long, what I've gone through with my hips, etc.

I grok my orthopedist now. I thought he was being dismissive before, but I'm starting to see the problem is that he knows I will resist the fact that there is no actual treatment or "fix" to my issues, nothing I can do to reverse these age-related mechanical malfunctions. And that is no fun for anyone to have to treat or deal with the response to - nobody wants to tell someone they are just broken and there is nothing they can do to fix it. All we can do is mitigate the pain and try to avoid excessive further damage, but of course the damage will continue, for as long as I live.

This time, on our third visit, I tried to indicate that I am more accepting and understanding of what I am experiencing, and he kind of cautiously agreed (he is close to my age and also highly athletic), "It's like a slow pull into the grave and we are trying to desperately claw at the sides to try to stay out as long as possible."

Totally hit the nail on the head with that one. I appreciate his candor an honesty, so much.

This is what is feels like and it really is that awful and it's also the only option. This is what we have to do if we want to keep living. This is life. It's painful and humbling but hopefully worth the effort.

None of us are getting out of here alive.