days like this.
Aug. 6th, 2025 01:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
serafaeryhave not had a shower since Saturday.
in so much pain, today, physically and emotionally.
It's devastating on a different level to go from an elite athlete to crippled within a couple of months. I am still adjusting. No one knows, no one sees, this is an entirely invisible struggle. Josh doesn't get the level of distress I am in. He can still do all the things. He can't imagine not being able to. I try to help him have awareness around it, but I also don't want to be a bummer all of the time. He forgets. Maybe it's better that he does.
It's just a really lonely feeling.
I can still walk, I can bike, I can dance a little, I can hike, so from the outside, it doesn't look too bad.
But I can do none of these things without constant pain.
Anyone would be depressed. But I've had major depressive order for decades. And I'm in perimenopause which also triggers depression.
It's just too much, days like this.
I am less angry at the auto shop. It is what it is. If my brand new battery is leaking, so be it. It was only $150, it won't destroy me to get a new one I suppose. I am skipping the oil change because that is absolutely inaccurate, I actually checked my readings on my way to the shop and it clearly indicates that I'm not anywhere close to due for one, so that's annoying, I don't know if they're making up numbers or just found an old sticker or what. I will not go back. But I'm not angry.
I just wish I could make myself eat and take a shower. Maybe take some vitamins. I forgot my hormones this morning, oops.
in so much pain, today, physically and emotionally.
It's devastating on a different level to go from an elite athlete to crippled within a couple of months. I am still adjusting. No one knows, no one sees, this is an entirely invisible struggle. Josh doesn't get the level of distress I am in. He can still do all the things. He can't imagine not being able to. I try to help him have awareness around it, but I also don't want to be a bummer all of the time. He forgets. Maybe it's better that he does.
It's just a really lonely feeling.
I can still walk, I can bike, I can dance a little, I can hike, so from the outside, it doesn't look too bad.
But I can do none of these things without constant pain.
Anyone would be depressed. But I've had major depressive order for decades. And I'm in perimenopause which also triggers depression.
It's just too much, days like this.
I am less angry at the auto shop. It is what it is. If my brand new battery is leaking, so be it. It was only $150, it won't destroy me to get a new one I suppose. I am skipping the oil change because that is absolutely inaccurate, I actually checked my readings on my way to the shop and it clearly indicates that I'm not anywhere close to due for one, so that's annoying, I don't know if they're making up numbers or just found an old sticker or what. I will not go back. But I'm not angry.
I just wish I could make myself eat and take a shower. Maybe take some vitamins. I forgot my hormones this morning, oops.
