serafaery

Feeling a bit better. Got hit with an immense flood of grief and tears, this happens at holidays sometimes. I cried and cried and eventually fell asleep to some 432 healing frequency tones. Sigh. Woke up with not enough time to do what I wanted but all least cooking had been fun, I’m running late for Passover but that’s okay, quiche in the oven, veggies are roasted for tonight and tomorrow, I let the step fam know I’ll just be dropping by briefly, and I decided I can work on sparkling with Riley anytime during the Easter thing tomorrow, I don’t have to be there two hours early if I don’t want to. So, let some pressure off, found some “feel good” playlists and am just accepting that the house will stay dirty for a bit, alas. Holidays are so hard for me, but also so needed, such a a conundrum.

Been fighting the urge to scroll with meditation practices and omg my brain hurts. Let the rewiring commence already. My sad lil brain resists, but she’ll learn.

Mom always did this thing where she would turn into a tornado of anger and stress before a beloved holiday gathering, breaking things and screaming at us for not helping enough and it was always so awful. I’ve been trying all my life to break this pattern, but, the wiring is deep hard code, built before I could speak.

I wish life hadn’t been so hard for her. And my dad. They suffered so much and died so young and it’s so unfair.