where is off switch for emotions plz k thx

[serafaery]

feeling this morning like it's time to accept that i need to be alone for the rest of my life. making friendships or having relationships is not the slightest bit worth it, when things like this happen. and things like this will always happen because humans are humans. bunch of careless selfish fuckwads. myself included. i can't stand it. i can't tolerate it anymore. being alone is lonely and i won't live very far into old age without any support, but that's fine, i'll figure out a way to kill myself when i need to. drugs are always an option i suppose. or knives. i like knives. i just can't take this kind of psychological pain, ever again. can't let anyone in this far ever again. i will of course do everything i can to keep the few trusted friends i still have. and to try to not let the superficial friendships completely disintegrate, since it takes me a good several years to know whether i can really trust someone and i want to give those people a chance. the faeries and the belly dancers. i'll learn how to breathe again all on my own. i wasn't fulfilled, but i could be content, at times, when i was alone, before. that is far preferable to this utter hell.