A few times more, with feeling.

[serafaery]

Forced my roommates to sit and watch Once More With Feeling with me, after an episode of Dr. Who. Now all the songs are running through me and it makes me very happy.

Would have a beer but I'm way too sick for that silliness.

Too emotional to respond coherently to comments right now. I cry upon reading all of them. Sorry about that. My brain no workie.

I'm really tired of hating myself, treating myself like garbage, having terrible health, a terrible sex life, a terrible emotional life, zero physical activity or strength. I miss skating. Even if I have to take unpaid time off of work, I have got to get into some serious physical therapy and get back on my feet. I will kill myself if this continues.

Gunna call Dove Lewis and see if they might have someone who would do a consultation with me, with Willow's chart info, sans cat.

Spike: ~I hope she fries, I'm free if that bitch dies! ... I better help her out.~

Comments

[anthalus.livejournal.com]

We love you, so by proxy, you should love you :)

[crowgrl13.livejournal.com]

I agree!

[serafaery.livejournal.com]

Aw, thanks guys. You gotta point there.

[woolly-socks.livejournal.com]

You have to force them to watch OMWF?!

It's been far too long since I watched it... though I do listen to the soundtrack a lot!

Big hugs love, things are way tough now but you'll get through it. You're strong, I know you are. oxoxox

[serafaery.livejournal.com]

Heh - I'm exaggerating. They don't adore it like I do, but they certainly enjoyed it.

I want to watch it again!

I crumple so easily when things get tough. I need some fortification of some kind. Hrm.

Loves you. <3

[woolly-socks.livejournal.com]

Half a lifetime of chronic depression, plus watching the humans around me, has brought me to the conclusion that while it doesn't feel like it at the time, real strength is about letting yourself feel things. And sometimes, letting yourself fall apart. Real courage is not running from your fear, or from your pain. You would not believe the freaky shit that some people can do to deny their emotions, and disassociate from them.

And looking at it from a slightly different angle: where is the courage in never having to face the tough stuff at all? I think that people too often confuse 'strength' with 'not letting things get to you'. I personally think that's a bunch of crap.

Loves you too baby. Kia kaha. <3

[serafaery.livejournal.com]

This is true - I agree with this. Disassociation is a scary thing. And you're right - I think our (my?) culture values "not letting stuff get to you" over real strength, and puts emphasis on that, and tells people if they don't have thick skin that they are weak and deserve to be stepped on and victimized. But having thick skin isn't really that hard - it doesn't take strength, it takes lack of compassion, empathy, thoughtfulness, gentleness. I value all of those things.

It reminds me of this quote I saw once - I don't remember who said it or what the exact wording was, but it was something like, "Being well-adjusted is not a sign of health in a profoundly sick society."

[woolly-socks.livejournal.com]

*nodnod* NZ culture is like that too, we're all about being outwardly tough. To the point where we don't properly insulate and heat our houses. Like people are big wussy babies for not wanting to freeze to death or get asthma. *headdesk* The 'get hard' thing has particularly been a problem around mental health, but that's changing thankfully.

We have an ex sports star, John Kirwan, who was an All Black in the 1980's (that's our rugby team in case you didn't know - rugby is The Big Game over here), he had wicked anxiety and depression for years. He's recently done a whole bunch of TV ads about depression, my favourite is here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUvy3JQb6x8). I've never been a sports fan at all, but I adore him for doing the ads. I think it's so courageous for a high profile manly man to talk about it so openly on TV. I am tempted to send him fan mail.

Sorry, got off topic a bit there. But if you watch the clip, what reminded me of it was how he laughs when he talks about how 'harden up' is the last thing you need to do.

[owo-owlofd00m.livejournal.com]

I loved Once More With Feeling so very much. <3 I used to have it recorded but I think my sister ran off with the tape.

*snuggles* We have faith in you darling. :3

[serafaery.livejournal.com]

It's pretty hard not to love that episode. Thanks for the support, sweetness. *hughug*