permanently altering

I can't feel anything, I'm so numb. Haven't been able to cry all day. It's just too awful to let my mind go there. The chronic headache I had from intermittent crying all day and night is finally gone. I'm sure it will return. I am angry at not being able to cry. It feels like someone erected an impenetrable wall between me and my grief and I'm just staring at it, confused and betrayed.