faithlessness

morning coffee, afternoon coffee, evening coffee.

in a lot of visceral pain. it's circumstantial and appropriate and exhausting.

there are tiny comforts. the tiny rainbow. the soft pale cream moon tonight, in a pastel sky, when i went to get tissue paper at mom's favorite gift shop (impossible not to cry in said gift shop).

the things that we leave behind are the memories of how we made life better for people. she's here in all the things she passed down to me, the ones that stuck.

i didn't create anyone to pass anything down to.

this is profoundly upsetting, tonight. just one of many profoundly upsetting things i'm dealing with, right now.

maybe making tissue paper flowers would help me feel better.

poor josh, i shared too many details about mom's death, tonight. he can't process that stuff, i know better.