mourning.

how does one decide when it's time to stop wearing black. not sure if i'm ready, yet. maybe after the obit is published.

having a lot of anxiety about the bench. a lot of what-ifs. what if something bad happens and i really wish i had the money i spent on it. i spent the first 43 years of my existence struggling for resources. this current state of not-constant-fear still feels very new and very, very tenuous.