barely tolerable i dare say

not feeling any better this morning, nope, not one bit. in so much pain and so frustrated. lack of skating, lack of silks, lack of consistent hiking without mud, it's just not possible for me to be healthy like this.

i did realize that of course i can't restrict calories when i'm recovering from what basically amounts to injury from over-extending myself on dog mountain on wednesday. so trying to be okay with that, but losing all of my muscle and gaining so much extra flab just makes me feel every kind of awful, along with my skin being horrible, i just feel so terrible. withdrawn. tired of dragging my former friends into any sort of social engagement kicking and screaming. if it's so hard to be social with me then fine, don't be. i'll find other pandemic friends. it's been really, really nice to have cynthia and derrick at least. i feel so lucky. we're not worthy of them. we don't get to see them much because they have so many friends, and so much money, compared to us, but that's okay, i will take what i can get. even if it's just stanley. i hope cynthia enjoys climbing tomorrow. i am dreading it, today. i really don't like rock climbing that much. it's barely tolerable. i'm only doing it because i can't do circus.