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notes for unfucking boundaries
Jul. 27th, 2021 08:26 pmTypes of boundaries:
Physical boundaries - touch: when where how who (you touching others/others touching you)
Property boundaries - things we own: homes, bikes, favorite shirt (chair in a conference room?)
Sexual boundaries: - physical and emotional issues around sex, who we like, acceptable language, info, terms used, jokes, offensiveness thereof
emotional/relational boundaries: how we want to feel/others want to feel: respecting personhood, showing how we care, allowing others to have their own emotional experiences, not owning other people's emotions
intellectual boundaries: thoughts, ideas, beliefs, access to learning. someone can be emotionally kind but not respect your worldview.
spiritual boundaries: beliefs and how we practice them, how we share. human experience of purposeful belonging. self related to something bigger than our own lives. (forcing someone to pray/not allowing prayer)
time boundaries: time, minutes, days - lots of things that don't cross other boundaries but i don't have the time to invest in them.
Lots of overlap in these.
Some violations are just one, some are multiple.
Complex.
1. What are some of the boundaries you have for each categories?
2. which kind of violations do you experience the most, which category do those violations belong in?
3. which kinds of boundaries do you have the most difficulty respecting for others? which categories do those violations belong?
....
defining boundaries. the structure matters: rigid, permeable, or flexible.
rigid: nothing gets through ever. theft, etc.
permeable: everything gets through if it wants to, defined for you. (answering the phone late at night when you should be sleeping.) "letting people walk all over you." some should be permeable - you can sit wherever you want.
flexible: middle ground we should operate from for most situations. listening to our internal voice that wants to protect us and also experience growth. compromise may lead to the betterment of the relationship. (answering the phone in certain situations.)
provide safe passage through life, not controlling every situation.
need the capacity to negotiate while maintaining safety and not becoming a pushover.
generally speaking are most of your boundaries rigid, permeable, or flexible? are there any rigid ones that need to be more flexible? permeable ones that need to be more rigid?
what permeable boundaries do you need to keep permeable and how does that support/sustain you in your life?
what would your ideal boundary balance look like? How close are you to this right now?
* what is something that is actively in your control that you can work on to move in the direction of your ideal?
Physical boundaries - touch: when where how who (you touching others/others touching you)
Property boundaries - things we own: homes, bikes, favorite shirt (chair in a conference room?)
Sexual boundaries: - physical and emotional issues around sex, who we like, acceptable language, info, terms used, jokes, offensiveness thereof
emotional/relational boundaries: how we want to feel/others want to feel: respecting personhood, showing how we care, allowing others to have their own emotional experiences, not owning other people's emotions
intellectual boundaries: thoughts, ideas, beliefs, access to learning. someone can be emotionally kind but not respect your worldview.
spiritual boundaries: beliefs and how we practice them, how we share. human experience of purposeful belonging. self related to something bigger than our own lives. (forcing someone to pray/not allowing prayer)
time boundaries: time, minutes, days - lots of things that don't cross other boundaries but i don't have the time to invest in them.
Lots of overlap in these.
Some violations are just one, some are multiple.
Complex.
1. What are some of the boundaries you have for each categories?
2. which kind of violations do you experience the most, which category do those violations belong in?
3. which kinds of boundaries do you have the most difficulty respecting for others? which categories do those violations belong?
....
defining boundaries. the structure matters: rigid, permeable, or flexible.
rigid: nothing gets through ever. theft, etc.
permeable: everything gets through if it wants to, defined for you. (answering the phone late at night when you should be sleeping.) "letting people walk all over you." some should be permeable - you can sit wherever you want.
flexible: middle ground we should operate from for most situations. listening to our internal voice that wants to protect us and also experience growth. compromise may lead to the betterment of the relationship. (answering the phone in certain situations.)
provide safe passage through life, not controlling every situation.
need the capacity to negotiate while maintaining safety and not becoming a pushover.
generally speaking are most of your boundaries rigid, permeable, or flexible? are there any rigid ones that need to be more flexible? permeable ones that need to be more rigid?
what permeable boundaries do you need to keep permeable and how does that support/sustain you in your life?
what would your ideal boundary balance look like? How close are you to this right now?
* what is something that is actively in your control that you can work on to move in the direction of your ideal?
