let's gooooooo serafaery.

Having a really hard time committing to the redwoods visit next week. I have my camp site in my cart and ready to be paid for, I know where I'm going, I haven't planned what to do each day but there are lots of easy options, it's something I want to do alone, there's nobody to consult on this but myself. i just can't pull the trigger for some reason? it's a long drive and a lot of time on my own, but that's usually a good thing for me. There are things to be nervous about, of course - going to a new, unknown area is always a little scary - but this is something I've wanted to do for so long and I just have this scary feeling it may be my only chance. I want to see Joshua Tree one day, too, but I want to do this first. sigh. I don't want to make a fearful decision but I also don't want to keep holding myself back. I'm also afraid some emergency might come up and I'll have to cancel, but the camp site isn't that expensive. I should just buy the damn camp site lol.

"It's gunna be a great fuckin' day."

I've pretty much clamped down my journal entirely, I've just gotten too much backlash over the years, many many years, for public oversharing. So here are some highlights from the last one that I can expose bc I will never stop oversharing, just, trying to make it more manageable, here.

I want to add that I need to re-up my gratitude practice, maybe I can do a daily morning gratitude entry with my coffee as a ritual. I feel like I used to do that. A little gratitude list with my morning caffeine?

IGBAGFD

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booked my camp site. eep!

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Kitty and I are getting closer, day by day. At night and in the mornings he comes and purrs on my chest and puts his little paw on my face. He and I go for walkies every morning and often twice a day. He loves this time together, it's like my hiking for me, how it makes me feel all better. It's like that for him, too. He seems very grateful and rubs up on me a lot when we are out there.

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I biked all over the place in 98 degree weather, today, and got super dizzy at one point, maybe not the healthiest choice but I needed to do it. I went and sat on mom's bench and wrote the check to the plaque company and finished the form for them. (ETA: I cried but only a little. It's been hard lonely emotional work laying out the concept for the plaque.)

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My headaches have died back down to a low murmur.

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Had the most amaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing night at Kizomba, better than I could have possibly imagined. I met this adorable girl from San Diego named Zephyr, the teacher Jenna was great, there were some spectacularly good dancers, some so-so dancers, and some crappy dancers and I had fun with all of them. Nobody did anything weird or gross.

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Astoria was such a lovely time Wednesday. The hike up Swallalah-oost was so magical, hot but I was expecting that, and there's endless relief in the form of ripe thimbleberries at every corner omg, so delicious.

It took me exactly 3 hours total, not bad, and I got to Astoria Coffeehouse at 6pm. I wandered around the streets and the piers, checked out the wildlife and the water, and had a very excellent IPA at a new brew pub called Astoria Brewing Company. I met a neat shop owner who wants me to come sparkle for their street fair sometime, that was a great contact to make. She's artsy and awesome. I was a little intimidated by her immersive art installation she's working on but damn, how cool is it that someone in Astoria is doing that? So neat. The shops there are wonderful. The bars are great, the food is awesome, and the PEOPLE omg. I had so many people compliment my ears or attire or sparkles or earrings. The lady in the purple flowing skirt, the shop owner Sandra, the sweet hiker couple on the trail, the barista with the purple pony at Astoria Coffeehouse. "I love your sparkles, the literal and the... otherwise." sweetest. One guy had this really jazzy jacket on, and when he said he liked my smile I responded that I liked his jacket, and he explained that after retiring from working his whole life as a mechanic, he decided he would never wear grubby clothing again and only has suits. (His jacket was ivory with sparkly bursts of yellow and black all over it. So dapper!) He called me his "favorite pixie," awwwwwwwww.

The heron was beautiful, so many beautiful birds. I was looking for Prairie Smoke (a flower) on the mountain hike but I was too late. Maybe next year.

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tried not to cry when I biked over to mom's bench and sat there and finished the paper portion of my form for the memorial plaque, today. I finished my coffee. I got sprinkled on?!? It felt like such a strange inverse. I felt mom's presence and spirit very strongly, all afternoon, today. She was in the clouds, in the heat, in the rain drops, her love was in the coffee and the smiles and the trees and the birds and the friendliness.

sigh.

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biked to the coop and got the perfect amount of groceries, and slowly biked home in the hot hot cloudiness. fed the crows (their begging was too pitiful, they get so droopy when it's hot). walked the cat briefly, he insisted but it was way too hot to stay out long.

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It was a beautiful day. A good serafaery day. If my hip weren't screaming that would make it better.

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I want to keep doing what I can for those I love and stay right sized in my mind about who I am and what I can accomplish, in this life.

I am so grateful for every breath.