a day in the fae life

had a weird day, but mostly wonderful. after a terrible night's sleep. my upstairs neighbor lost their job, and they stay up all hours of the night crashing around. i have tried moving to the living room and the bedroom to see which room is quieter, they move into the bedroom later so i'm not sure which is worse, ugh. ordered some new silicone earplug things, hoping it helps.

they eventually quiet down around 2am, and i have a brief window of quiet before the loud construction trucks start rumbling in, their engines are roaring and they beep obnoxiously and they make the ground shake when they go past our bedroom, they come intermittently, waking me each time a new one arrives, until they start work on the building a block away around 7am. bleargh.

feels like i haven't slept in a year.

but, since i couldn't sleep i got up right when josh's alarm went off at 7am (he usually browses on his phone for 20 minutes or so in bed, and then plays piano for another 20 minutes), and attacked the bathroom.

i don't clean, ever. i can't remember the last time i cleaned the bathroom. but. see this weird thing happened. i got obsessed with a Halloween lifestyle vlog youtube channel. the girl Sam, did a haul video from Bath and Body Works, and she made the candles sound so heavenly, the way she described them all, that I had to go get some. I also wanted a new festive handsoap for the studio.

I do not buy stuff like this, ever. I use natural organic glycerin soaps, that I buy in bulk and refill my reusable containers with. I only burn Goodlight and bees wax candles. I know these fragrances are toxic, and I know the palm oil is environmentally destructive, and the plastic bottles are wasteful.

But I couldn't help it? I got a pumpkin spice latte candle (and hand sanitizer), a hot cocoa candle, a "sweater weather" candle, and a "pumpkin carving" candle which is my absolute favorite, and this handsoap that I refuse to share, it is all mine, called Happy Halloween that is candy corn marshmallow scented and OMG it is the most delicious thing. I know this is wasteful and indulgent and weird but huffing the candles just lifts my spirits, the labels are so cute, I only got the small versions, and every time I wash my hands with the soap I am so tickled by the candy smell. I want more soaps and hand sanitizers but I'm trying to keep myself from going back there, omg, such a silly impulsive mindless consumer culture thing to do. wtf?

But here's the thing. Having these made me really want a clean bathroom. It reminded me of these beautiful moon phase bath salts i was gifted at Halloween last year that I've never used because since covid I've never really cleaned out the tub (I did once, when I got the salts, and then never took a bath). I have a mental block when it comes to house work when anyone else is in my space, and since covid, JOSH IS ALWAYS HERE. So I just simply can't clean. That and the decompensating behavior that the pandemic causes in me. and a lot of my friends. It's actually really comforting to know that I'm not the only one suffering from this, and that there's a reason. Tyler and I talked about this some during our mushrooming trip Tuesday. He is so helpful omg. anyway.

I just wanted a clean bathroom really badly, so since I was awake anyway, after long nightmares about my hip hurting because I've been in so much pain lately in my reconstructed hip, caused by lack of skating and lack of aerial, I jumped off the couch (where I've been sleeping lately) and bleached and scrubbed everything in the bathroom until it was all sparkling. Then I set out my Pumpkin Carving candle and Happy Halloween handsoap (and left out the clary sage and fir soap also), and I was just so delighted. Now every time I go in there I can sniff the candle and grin when I wash my hands and I enjoy the cute packaging and it's just so ridiculous. Why does this make me so happy?

Josh was so confused, lol. I explained about the candles and frankly I'm just as confused as he is, but, whatever works.

I made a $300 mistake accidentally swapping orders through my website, so I spent the rest of the morning cooking Josh's breakfast and trying to fix that, until I had to run to sparkle a customer and her beautiful granddaughter. My studio was not available because the building was rented out for an event, which occasionally happens on Fridays, but they agreed to meet me at Bison coffeehouse which was so so nice. We all kept masks on the whole time, it was safe, we were outdoors and grandma at least is vaccinated (Colette is only 5 so she is not). They both got lots of sparkles and it took me an hour and a half, but that's okay. It was so, so hard to charge them full price but I managed. I struggle so much to ask for what I'm worth. It was less than $50 an hour, it's not like I'm grifting people, sparkling is hard work, i dressed in faery with ears and sparkles and brought all the sparkles and mirror and fancy hand sanitizer and everything with me, my tying skills are extremely refined and I've spent so many years training and researching sparkles and everything, it's not easy sparkling on the go like this, it's okay to charge my regular rate. I did it! This time, at least. I rewarded myself with chocolate for this accomplishment, since Bison doesn't do pumpkin spice lattes lol.

Got an almond milk latte and rushed back home to finish fixing my order snafu, everyone was so forgiving and kind about it at least, I've never swapped orders before like that, I blame lack of sleep. This cut into my Finley time and I was so stressed out about it, but he was really flexible and kind and waited over 2 hours for me to finally get home from the post office and be done so we could hang out for a bit. I wasn't ready for cuddles but he insisted, it was nice. We shared music show stories and I forgot to tell him about the howling at Sylvan Esso but that's okay, maybe next time. I told him all the other details, and he shared his experience seeing Chvrches in Seattle, which, I'm glad he had a good time and I've always liked their music, but I don't think they could ever move me the way Sylvan Esso did.

He's so sweet and gentle when he touches me. He wants to see the new purple harness. He will.

It's so validating and uplifting for me to spend time with him. I always get so nervous and giddy. I need to remember that he is worth it.

I am totally out of the loop when it comes to shows and movies and pop culture in general, so he showed me the new Matrix trailer, and got really excited when he discovered that I never watched a show called Sensate, he wants to share this with me desperately. Also he is open to watching What We Do In The Shadows with me, yay. I might keep that one to myself though, I have a feeling he won't get quite the kick out of it that I do. I think being really into vampires helps a lot? lol.

We spent time in his gf's apartment since she and her husband are away on vacation, they live in our same complex so all we had to do was walk across the courtyard. the snake his gf owns hid from me but that's okay. maybe another time. I like snakes a lot. Not enough to have one that I have to feed baby mice to all the time, though.

we might try to see each other again late Sunday night. I am not doing anything Monday, it's my me day, and it sounds like he might have the apartment free. So, maybe sexy Sense-8 show? we shall seeeeee.

got home and had sort of a pieced together snacky meal for dinner with Josh, and then built on the bathroom momentum and finally for the first time since before covid, started cleaning my work area. it was wild. I spent all night on it. It's not anywhere near done but it's so much better than it was. Part of this is because I want the hot cocoa and sweater weather candles to fit on my desk nicely. I'm so glad I got those stupid candles! it's such a silly thing but I think in the grand scheme of things, relatively harmless. and beneficial if it helps me to beautify and organize my space and to make it actually functional and workable. I'm grateful for whatever tricks I can play on my brain to make life gentler. sometimes maybe small indulgent sins are forgivable, I hope.

I missed my first aerial class last night, and was so bereft over it. (I missed Kizomba, too. also sad.) I have a long explanation as to how/why that happened. But I invited Tyler climbing in the gym, and he agreed and the three of us climbed in the gym instead, and I finished the tile wall for the first time ever, and we had a great time, and I was almost glad I had missed my class, at the end of the night.

should try to get some real sleep, tonight - upstairs neighbor is being oddly quiet? I'm sure that will change just as I start to drift off, lol.