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having a busy stressful day trying to cram a lot in, i need to unclench and relax, i just don't know what direction is the right one. keep at the grindstone or commit some random acts of kindness? i think the latter would be better for me but it's hard to justify the indulgence, sometimes - for me giving to others is an indulgence, in a way - i'm not contributing to creating my own material wealth. but friendship wealth is important, too.
glad i took a moment to write that down because i was about to go the other direction. i'm in that place where i don't feel i deserve a shower or clean clothes. i need to get out of that. it's not normal or healthy.
just wanted to mention, though, that, i just am astounded with how little people write. i keep adding people and following and no judgement, but, in livejournal days at least a few people wrote at least once or twice a week. i am sometimes just shocked to refresh my reading page and find nothing new. i write compulsively, so it's hard to understand. i would forget all of the precious little details and moments if i didn't write them down. this happens. i forget entire weekends, experiences, beautiful moments, countless hours lost, like tears in rain. life is so very very precious, this is my method of preserving. i really should be taking videos and recordings, too, but, that takes more courage. maybe journaling requires a kind of bravado or foolishness that most people don't possess. i just want to get it down at least a little, in some way, before it vanishes. i dunno it's probably some kind of sign of mental illness.
re-remembering a tool in my old al-anon (families of alcoholics 12 step progam) toolkit: it's none of my business what other people think about me. deep sigh. let this go. just be.
glad i took a moment to write that down because i was about to go the other direction. i'm in that place where i don't feel i deserve a shower or clean clothes. i need to get out of that. it's not normal or healthy.
just wanted to mention, though, that, i just am astounded with how little people write. i keep adding people and following and no judgement, but, in livejournal days at least a few people wrote at least once or twice a week. i am sometimes just shocked to refresh my reading page and find nothing new. i write compulsively, so it's hard to understand. i would forget all of the precious little details and moments if i didn't write them down. this happens. i forget entire weekends, experiences, beautiful moments, countless hours lost, like tears in rain. life is so very very precious, this is my method of preserving. i really should be taking videos and recordings, too, but, that takes more courage. maybe journaling requires a kind of bravado or foolishness that most people don't possess. i just want to get it down at least a little, in some way, before it vanishes. i dunno it's probably some kind of sign of mental illness.
re-remembering a tool in my old al-anon (families of alcoholics 12 step progam) toolkit: it's none of my business what other people think about me. deep sigh. let this go. just be.
