serafaery

spent a ton of time with Karissa today on accident, it was really nice. i love her so much.

i think i am wrong about my guess that autism indicates some sort of evolution out of the human desire for a tribe. it involves a lack of emotional drive, for sure, but they still need their loved ones, same as anyone.

Ragnar, not saying he's autistic, but he has a few of these traits, Karissa's 3 year old who still isn't really speaking much, didn't want to let me leave, tonight. when I started to say bye bye, he went to the door and put his back against it and said, very clearly, "no," while continuing to play with his truck and dinosaur.

he doesn't give me hugs yet but he lets me pet him and he leans on me. he holds my hand and pulls me around. he imitates my facial gestures. and we always blow kisses. he's done this since he was a baby.

(all of this affection and emotional connection and eye contact and engagement are counter-indicative of autism.)

nothing else seems to matter when i feel loved by this child.