monday morning shifts

had a doctor's appt scheduled for this morning, but my doctor had to reschedule - the internet service is out in his location (we do appts by zoom).

It's kinda great because honestly I was scribbling down in the 5 minutes before the appt things I wanted to talk about and go over, in terms of strategies for improving health, that I probably should have been thinking about for the last few months - I have worked on them in some sense, but not really sat with them since our last appointment. So this gives me a chance to review my own progress and goals in more depth, to see where I'm improving and where I'm slipping and see where we want to go from here.

I also scribbled down a list of things I need to get done today, and cleaned off my desks, and picked up a bunch of stuff off the floor, so that was super helpful.

There is a crisp in the oven, was able to get up early enough to bake some pears that I had collected from a tree last week. I still have a ton more pears! But at least I got started.

Maybe can throw in some laundry while I think about what to do next. Probably box up Cassidy's order is the highest priority.

But first, more coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

drowning in learning

This is so good.

There are worse things to be addicted to than Andrew Huberman's podcast.

Watch on YouTube

My favorite part of this is when Huberman goes into Dr Linden's terminal diagnosis and says, in his casual but not flippant way, "I guess we've all in some sense been diagnosed with a terminal condition." YES thank you.

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my brother asked me to cat sit tonight and tomorrow so i'll go feed the cats, maybe go for a walk in lake o while i'm over there i don't know, walk around the lake? i walked super hard on the treadmill this afternoon in the gym for 1.5hrs and it sucked, i hate exercising indoors. but at least i could breathe. the smoke is clearing up now so cynthia and i plan to walk the cemetery tomorrow. two in two days, that's going to hurt. will feed the cats after. i am not sure i should have said yes and given up two hours of two days but whatevs. too late now. i will be careful to not linger too long with the cats. my quality of life is just as important as theirs. i'm tired of it but also grateful that he wasn't acting super crazy on the phone, at least.

need to find a therapist. or at least try. i know most of them are terrible. i need huberman's series with Dr Conti to come out sooner than september is what i really need.

I also need to stop booking lookout towers. look for camp grounds and other outdoor places that we can rent during the summer that are more fun and easier and more reliable. i think lookout towers are a nice novelty, but no longer something i can afford to look forward to. i'm too heartbroken and too paralyzed without knowing what to put in their place. i want to go to the ocean but where to stay? just pick something? all of the camping was booked out six months ago. it's a tough adjustment. too painful.

like the waves of grief and loss that hit me out of nowhere, when i'm just trying to exercise. bleargh.

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