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need to throw on some clothes and grab some snax and run off to work.
in an excessive amount of pain. i obviously should not have gone dancing last night, it was fun but i slept terribly, I've never seen my resting heart rate that high for the night (52-56 - normally it's 40 or below).
tempted to bring old vicodin pills to work. i might.
it hurts so bad.
this is the hip that got reconstructed 20 years ago.
so i was thinking about that time in my life, and my graduate school debt that resulted.
i got wrapped up in a predatory loan that was backed by the government, and after only a few years, they dissolved the program, deciding it was illegal because the terms were so unfair.
but because it was legal at the time that i incurred it, i still have to agree to the (now illegal) terms.
it feels a bit like sitting in prison for a drug crime after the drug was deemed legal.
anyway, my loan has never qualified for all the pandemic forgiveness and such because of its design, even though it is a government-subsidized loan.
BUT.
since the last attempt at student loan relief got shot down, the new attack plan announced specifically targets folks who "owe substantially more than they borrowed". This is me! If all of my payments had gone only to my balance, my balance would be a reasonable amount and more than half paid off by now. so part of me is hopeful.
ALSO. the new repayment program I DO qualify for. according to outlets, my lender should just automatically restructure my terms, since I'm already enrolled in income-based PAYE (i recertify this every February). I've yet to see that reflected on my payments. If they still look the same in November, I will reach out to them. My payments are already pretty low thanks to the Obama forgiveness plan that caps payments based on income, but with the newly announced plan, my payments would be zero (but still considered to be in repayment), and also my interest will stop accruing once my payments are lower than the interest-only amount owed each month (which is in the hundreds because my interest in compounded).
Because my payment amount based on the forgiveness plan is actually lower than my interest payments, but is applied to interest first and not the loan (until the interest is fully paid which it hasn't been for many years), even though I pay x amount every month, my balance just keeps going up, instead of down. it's insane.
anyway, just random thoughts on a beautiful friday morning while i'm dealing with excruciating physical pain. i've not hurt this much in a very long time and i don't know what to do, it's a constant hard deep ache and it's unbearable, i don't know ho w I'm going to get through the work day honestly. not without drugs anyway.
at least there is coffee and sunshine.
and i did have fun dancing.
even if i'm paying for it now.
dance doesn't usually do this, though - i think something else is going on, i just don't know what.
in an excessive amount of pain. i obviously should not have gone dancing last night, it was fun but i slept terribly, I've never seen my resting heart rate that high for the night (52-56 - normally it's 40 or below).
tempted to bring old vicodin pills to work. i might.
it hurts so bad.
this is the hip that got reconstructed 20 years ago.
so i was thinking about that time in my life, and my graduate school debt that resulted.
i got wrapped up in a predatory loan that was backed by the government, and after only a few years, they dissolved the program, deciding it was illegal because the terms were so unfair.
but because it was legal at the time that i incurred it, i still have to agree to the (now illegal) terms.
it feels a bit like sitting in prison for a drug crime after the drug was deemed legal.
anyway, my loan has never qualified for all the pandemic forgiveness and such because of its design, even though it is a government-subsidized loan.
BUT.
since the last attempt at student loan relief got shot down, the new attack plan announced specifically targets folks who "owe substantially more than they borrowed". This is me! If all of my payments had gone only to my balance, my balance would be a reasonable amount and more than half paid off by now. so part of me is hopeful.
ALSO. the new repayment program I DO qualify for. according to outlets, my lender should just automatically restructure my terms, since I'm already enrolled in income-based PAYE (i recertify this every February). I've yet to see that reflected on my payments. If they still look the same in November, I will reach out to them. My payments are already pretty low thanks to the Obama forgiveness plan that caps payments based on income, but with the newly announced plan, my payments would be zero (but still considered to be in repayment), and also my interest will stop accruing once my payments are lower than the interest-only amount owed each month (which is in the hundreds because my interest in compounded).
Because my payment amount based on the forgiveness plan is actually lower than my interest payments, but is applied to interest first and not the loan (until the interest is fully paid which it hasn't been for many years), even though I pay x amount every month, my balance just keeps going up, instead of down. it's insane.
anyway, just random thoughts on a beautiful friday morning while i'm dealing with excruciating physical pain. i've not hurt this much in a very long time and i don't know what to do, it's a constant hard deep ache and it's unbearable, i don't know ho w I'm going to get through the work day honestly. not without drugs anyway.
at least there is coffee and sunshine.
and i did have fun dancing.
even if i'm paying for it now.
dance doesn't usually do this, though - i think something else is going on, i just don't know what.
