gratitude

softest avalanche kitten

snowflakes

my oura ring, that helps me understand my body better

the new standby mode on the iphone is wonderful

being ill when it's not a good idea to go be active in harsh conditions anyway

coffee

avalanche likes the goat milk, which will be so beneficial for her health during development

josh's kindness and gentleness and patience

having a few days of falling apart but not letting it totally wreck my life - slow recovery process

eye cream

this fuzzy blue sweater

clean running water that is even heated - miraculous

100% dark chocolate

staving off naughty food cravings with a whole pear last night - filled me up and delighted me with its flavor, that was all i needed

kitten curled up with her shoulder against mine on the pedestal I got her so she can hang out in the window while i'm on the computer

work being relatively gentle lately

feeling not too much pressure about taxes or loan consolidation or web updates or starting hrt yet, I'll do them soon, it'll be fine

organizing faery hair and decluttering are longer term projects but i feel less daunted by them, generally, when i am more rested.

maybe i can put away xmas stuff today, take down the tree.

remembering that i am safe and okay.

copal incense

the color turquoise

mushrooms (all kinds - magic, medicinal, culinary, or just pretty to look at)

that people are willing to be my friend, despite all my fucked-uppedness

alan watts

Watch on YouTube

kinda kitten-focused

kitten asked for playtime, so I played with her for a good solid while, with the feather, her favorite toy - I think she's literally starting to learn the word "feather" - that's how much she loves it.

now she's laying in the middle of the threshold of my bedroom door, snoozing, lololol.

cutest kitten.

I want a scoop of eggnog ice cream and crio cocoa brew drink, but I don't want to disturb her, it's tooooo cuuuuuute. she gets these little light snoozy sounds I think because of her purebred smooshface shape?

She's a love. She seeks affection and definitely notices when I'm upset and prioritizes closeness and seemingly tries to comfort/reassure me. she sleeps next to me all night, occasionally snuggling closer but generally happy just to be on the bed next to me, but will lie on my chest and cuddle as I'm slowly waking and roll over on my back to say good morning and pet her and stay snoozing a tiny bit longer. She purrs a lot a lot. And she's good about asking for food and asking to play.

This is her first full day without any kibble. Her eye boogers are already starting to lighten. Once I get her totally transitioned to canned feeding, and used to it, I'll start incorporating raw food slowly. She loves the freeze dried minnows. So much better for them to have less processed food (just like us). It'll help her energy and her coat and eyes and ears and all the things.

I dunno if I mentioned I got all her claws trimmed too, so she's not getting stuck on stuff anymore, hooray - her scratching post should get here in a couple days I think.

I've been eating SO MUCH lol. I think until I get through my year sobriety date I'm just not going to pay attention to calories. I made honey oat apple cinnamon cookies, ginger shortbread cookies, and sweet potato pancakes today, and ate tons of all of it.

We're still sorta iced-in, all my sparkles are canceled for tomorrow, I'd give circus a 50/50 shot tomorrow, same with Shadowplay. I'm pretty depressed from lack of movement and I think I'm not entirely fully recovered from that little cold I had quite yet. Full days of work Friday and Saturday and then a short day Sunday, that'll be hard but income is helpful. Kara's Sparkle Celebration should be fun, Saturday night, good people, sparkly times. I wish she hadn't died. Missing so many people who've died. Mom's anniversary of her death is in a couple days, it'll be 3 years. I messaged her caretaker today. Just to say hi. I miss her and her family. They took really good care of mom. I was trying to do some dementia research today, but I couldn't handle it. I really need to listen, to motivate myself to care for myself better during perimenopause, which all the research is saying where dementia actually occurs, the symptoms just don't show up until later.

Maybe I won't live long enough to see the symptoms anyway.

Without kids, will I have much of a reason to live very long? Once I lose Avalanche? If she lives 20 years, which is an outside chance given she is purebred, I'll be 68. I wonder what life will look like, then. Joyful and full of beautiful experiences in nature? Or just, painful and sad.

Probably both.

(no subject)

Our predicted thaw was lackluster, we're still encased in ice, and expecting more of the same tomorrow, sssssssssssssiiiiiggggggggggghhhh.

Can I jog in yaktrax?