hurts too much.

was a million times harder going through mom's things than it was taking down the tree - tree was easy. mom's things have been sitting in a pile next to my desk since I cleaned out her room in January. I am not done, but things are slightly better organized. I realized that I have no intention of boxing everything up and putting it in the garage, her books and letters and photos and knickknacks need to stay here next to me for the time being. But I can put away the stuffies and the other photos that weren't hers that I still have out. I'll put them away tomorrow. All that is left tonight is to take out one run of trash and recycling, and then I can have my chocolate, vampire show, and rosemary crackers.

my head feels like it's going to explode. the painful kind of tears, tonight. i came across a letter mom wrote to me probably around about 2012, I don't know. my poor mom. it's so wrong, everything that happened to her. i don't understand how life can be that cruel.