if you love me, you'll answer.
Jul. 3rd, 2022 12:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
serafaeryShould start getting dressed in a few minutes. Grateful for a lady who wants to sparkle at Bison today, she's driving from Vernonia (about an hour out) so Saturdays are the only day that works for her, and she's bringing her mom. I'm also grateful that the other two people I asked about sparkling today didn't reply, because I barely slept last night and I'm very tired. I want energy to visit Karissa and Ian tonight. There is a vegan locally-sourced-ingredients rhubarb pie in the oven baking for them.
I also baked an elderberry pie this morning, that one is for me. It's with frozen elderberries from Pixie's property that I picked and processed in the heat last year, it was too hot to bake and I saved them for this long. Used the juice as a little tonic to sip while I was baking.
Josh is off climbing on the mountain with friends. I'm glad, it's a nice day for it.
Might have shared this before, but I'm sharing it again. This video made me sob while baking in the kitchen this morning. I love birds. (It's why I spend so much buying Birds and Beans, coffee, for example.) I don't watch wildlife shows anymore because they make me profoundly sad.
All of them.
But especially birds. Whales. Any large mammals. Anything endangered.
I can't handle the losses. They are what I love most passionately about this life. And nobody cares enough to save them. It makes me hate humanity. And part of me feels I don't deserve to witness their beauty. Unless I dedicate my life to their preservation. Which I might still do one day. If my marriage were to fail, I could see relocating to Kenya to tend to elephants, or a coastal research facility to monitor whales.
This video also makes me weep uncontrollably.
And the only thing that brings me waves of comfort is knowing that at least I did not bring another human into the world, who will continue to erode their habitat and push them to extinctions. (The ones that aren't already extinct.)
We had flickers and ducks in the courtyard this morning when I was walking Lunar and taking out the trash. They are such angelic little delights, to me.
I also baked an elderberry pie this morning, that one is for me. It's with frozen elderberries from Pixie's property that I picked and processed in the heat last year, it was too hot to bake and I saved them for this long. Used the juice as a little tonic to sip while I was baking.
Josh is off climbing on the mountain with friends. I'm glad, it's a nice day for it.
Might have shared this before, but I'm sharing it again. This video made me sob while baking in the kitchen this morning. I love birds. (It's why I spend so much buying Birds and Beans, coffee, for example.) I don't watch wildlife shows anymore because they make me profoundly sad.
All of them.
But especially birds. Whales. Any large mammals. Anything endangered.
I can't handle the losses. They are what I love most passionately about this life. And nobody cares enough to save them. It makes me hate humanity. And part of me feels I don't deserve to witness their beauty. Unless I dedicate my life to their preservation. Which I might still do one day. If my marriage were to fail, I could see relocating to Kenya to tend to elephants, or a coastal research facility to monitor whales.
This video also makes me weep uncontrollably.
And the only thing that brings me waves of comfort is knowing that at least I did not bring another human into the world, who will continue to erode their habitat and push them to extinctions. (The ones that aren't already extinct.)
We had flickers and ducks in the courtyard this morning when I was walking Lunar and taking out the trash. They are such angelic little delights, to me.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-03 07:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-07-06 05:51 am (UTC)