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serafaerygot my work done yay!
still feeling a bit blah. it feels like a thick cloud of pressure in front of my eyes and draped over my entire body. it's not painful but draining. i blame low iron and hormones and such. maybe i should just sleep through the rest of perimenopause?
there are so many days i feel so awful for how harshly i judged my mother. in these years, she worked less hard, and i thought she was lazy. but she wasn't. she was doing her best. like she always did. kids don't know. she judged me harshly, she judged herself harshly, it's hard not to follow suit when that's all that's ever been modeled for you. i'm much kinder and more forgiving these days. it's hardest to be so with myself, that is my current project. i don't have to be always pushing has hard as i can. i can also rest. still learning to allow this.
deep breath. doing okay.
still need to dye my hair but i'll get there. first, put on clothes and get groceries.
also need to finish setting up the new laptop.
i'd love to run but still not feeling up to it. maybe a sunset run if i perk up at all?
gratitude!
* the sweetest softest kitten, happy and relaxed and affectionate and so zen. i love that she is staying little. i don't think she'll reach ten pounds at this rate.
* time and flexibility to clean the apartment yesterday. the heavenly feeling of cleanliness. it's confusing not tripping over piles of things and not feeling repulsed at the sight of the kitchen floor. it was good exercise scrubbing everything, it felt good.
* time with orvis last night - he is like therapy. so kind and uplifting. always full of compliments.
* hiking with gregory tomorrow after therapy
* therapy! i love my therapist so much. should write down some stuff i want to talk about at some point, today. i feel better when i go in with a little bit of focus. it is starting to feel like a weekly massage, but for my emotions.
* plans for a brief coastal visit at the end of the month, showing josh a mountain he's never climbed, that is one of my favorites
* dreya weber's show last night - she is inspiring and beautiful and it's nice to feel like there is something to look forward to, when a sixty-something woman can be so amazing. she said some things during this show, such as, there is no need to burn witches if women are trained to erase themselves (speaking to our culture of ageism and treating older women as if they don't or should not exist). and also, when asking, how many witches were burned during all the various witch hunts and trials?
Zero.
Witches don't exist.
They burned women.
* the hazy softness of the sky today, a heaviness to the light that matches my internal energy
* coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
* the most easy going, forgiving, kind and supportive husband ever
* refrigerators
* sliced pears
* tea kettles
* soda stream for fizzy water on demand
* shooting star flowers
* a long stretch of zero car troubles
* pointy ear tips
* mushrooms
* feathers
* the scent of desert sage
* fun photos from our 10k trail race the weekend before last
* cedar
* circus
* vanilla
* got to see the bunny last night on my walk home through the courtyard
still feeling a bit blah. it feels like a thick cloud of pressure in front of my eyes and draped over my entire body. it's not painful but draining. i blame low iron and hormones and such. maybe i should just sleep through the rest of perimenopause?
there are so many days i feel so awful for how harshly i judged my mother. in these years, she worked less hard, and i thought she was lazy. but she wasn't. she was doing her best. like she always did. kids don't know. she judged me harshly, she judged herself harshly, it's hard not to follow suit when that's all that's ever been modeled for you. i'm much kinder and more forgiving these days. it's hardest to be so with myself, that is my current project. i don't have to be always pushing has hard as i can. i can also rest. still learning to allow this.
deep breath. doing okay.
still need to dye my hair but i'll get there. first, put on clothes and get groceries.
also need to finish setting up the new laptop.
i'd love to run but still not feeling up to it. maybe a sunset run if i perk up at all?
gratitude!
* the sweetest softest kitten, happy and relaxed and affectionate and so zen. i love that she is staying little. i don't think she'll reach ten pounds at this rate.
* time and flexibility to clean the apartment yesterday. the heavenly feeling of cleanliness. it's confusing not tripping over piles of things and not feeling repulsed at the sight of the kitchen floor. it was good exercise scrubbing everything, it felt good.
* time with orvis last night - he is like therapy. so kind and uplifting. always full of compliments.
* hiking with gregory tomorrow after therapy
* therapy! i love my therapist so much. should write down some stuff i want to talk about at some point, today. i feel better when i go in with a little bit of focus. it is starting to feel like a weekly massage, but for my emotions.
* plans for a brief coastal visit at the end of the month, showing josh a mountain he's never climbed, that is one of my favorites
* dreya weber's show last night - she is inspiring and beautiful and it's nice to feel like there is something to look forward to, when a sixty-something woman can be so amazing. she said some things during this show, such as, there is no need to burn witches if women are trained to erase themselves (speaking to our culture of ageism and treating older women as if they don't or should not exist). and also, when asking, how many witches were burned during all the various witch hunts and trials?
Zero.
Witches don't exist.
They burned women.
* the hazy softness of the sky today, a heaviness to the light that matches my internal energy
* coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
* the most easy going, forgiving, kind and supportive husband ever
* refrigerators
* sliced pears
* tea kettles
* soda stream for fizzy water on demand
* shooting star flowers
* a long stretch of zero car troubles
* pointy ear tips
* mushrooms
* feathers
* the scent of desert sage
* fun photos from our 10k trail race the weekend before last
* cedar
* circus
* vanilla
* got to see the bunny last night on my walk home through the courtyard
