Bad hacking cough.

[serafaery]

omg so sick. Can't help asking what I did to deserve the suffering. I know that's a meaningless question, though. I always think of death when in a lot of pain - this time, pondering what it means to no longer exist in time or space. my past will exist. Will I somehow stay there, with it? will memories be all that's left of me, until those slowly evaporate into dust?

Part of me wants to exclaim to everyone, 'please, be kind to yourself. you will suffer enough in this world. treat yourself well, embrace happiness, embrace wellness and high spirits, know that you deserve it. it is fleeting and not to be taken for granted.'

Comments

[anthalus.livejournal.com]

To no longer exist in space and time is impossible. Since Einstein proved that matter can not be created nor destroy, but only transformed, it goes to reason that once we perish our matter is redispersed to the Universe to assemble whatever....

[serafaery.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that really brings no comfort to an atheist who believes she is her body. Being worm food is not a terribly comforting thought, heh.

I know intellectually that "I" is a convenient concept that breaks down when thoroughly examined. But I still worry over it obsessively. I want the aging process to stop, honestly. I want the decay to stop, I want to live forever as I am now. Relatively healthy, relatively attractive, relatively strong and able to move about and experience the world in radical ways. Worm food isn't quite as adept at that stuff.

[anthalus.livejournal.com]

Depends on what worm food really is. Because we are humans, we are arrogant, and because we are, we spend a majority of our time with empirical pursuits that supposedly enhance our 'conscious' experience. Of course it means that we have zero research into alternative forms of possible consciousness...

Reality could be that our existence as we know it is just the birth phase of something more marvelous, like a caterpillar in a cocoon.

[serafaery.livejournal.com]

It's true, we don't know everything, and I suppose death could somehow lead to something more. But I seriously doubt it, and I just don't see how. I firmly believe that consciousness is a purely physical result of activities of a healthy, functioning brain and body, and that dying means the end of that thing being conscious - that is, transforming into something non-alive. I feel that what I really need to do is eventually reconcile myself to that fact, but for now, I cherish my body and my brain as they are my only means of existence. I mean, even if I *could* exist in some other form, I would still mourn the loss of this life just as strongly. I would miss my sight, my sense of touch and hearing, the way my brain processes thoughts and sensations, the way my muscles flex under my skin, all that stuff that only living human beings have.

[bobsully.livejournal.com]

hope you feel better quickly. wise exclamation. you know me, I believe we are "this" moment. memories and dreams surround it, the end is peace with nothing to fear. Bob's philosophy 101. take it easy (when you can.)

[serafaery.livejournal.com]

Thanks, you. I don't get why being sick has to *hurt* so much, lately. But I will just try to sleep it off and accept that the downtime is nothing I can control. bleargh.