minimal function

actually managed to cook josh a steak and purple and sweet potatoes, and an entire veggie sourdough pizza from scratch with vegan mozzarella for both of us, today. josh was so surprised and excited. he was asking what to do for lunch and i explained that pizza was in the oven and he was like whaaaaaaat? lol

i managed to eat a couple small pieces of pizza. it's hard to eat. living on tea and coffee mostly, okay with that.

need to hop on my bike and run to the store. there are helicopters circling and i'm a little nervous to look up why, it's not a traffic one, it keeps swinging around over and over.

Oh, dang, some crazy person was running down pedestrians in an suv a few blocks away and then crashed and fled, no wonder. It's the opposite direction from where i need to go, thankfully.

glad i wasn't out there. i walk that stretch regularly. so scary.

such a scary world, sometimes.

okay, groceries by bike, i can do this.

this bloodline ends with me.

one comforting thing that crossed my mind recently is the fact that since i didn't have children, no child of mine will ever have to watch their parents die. what a sweet mercy that is. so grateful to not pass on that suffering. it finally stops, here.

(no subject)

didn't do too great on my list today.

* research cremation/call renee cremation scheduled, chaplain will join us there Monday.

* email contacts about mom okay got that done, i think i need a cocktail and some hunky vamps, yes this is the prescription for the night i believe

* research resting places (looked at one cemetery and the memorial park bench)

* unemployment claim stuff - fail

* sparkling stuff - did the barest minimum here

* go over loan documents and sign - all of the no

* do something about this desk - heckin no

* put clothes away - i put away about 1/3rd of them?

* schedule time this week for taxes, just take a couple of steps, no pressure to finish, just start - yeahno

* call ben - chickened out and texted asking to reschedule for tomorrow if possible

UGH I suck.

I did bike to the grocery store though and replenished our food and supplies, got some beautiful fruit, some tasty treats that were on sale, and decided to bake Josh an early birthday pie rather than cave and go back to stupid vampire show. But now it's nearly 9 and I still want vamp show and I want to avoid all of the above.

saw a sweet little tiny rainbow on my bike ride. it was freezing, overcast with just a few sunbreaks, and some distant mist fell for a few moments, kissing my cheeks and nose.

this is dumb, this life thing, what is the point, it's here and then it's gone, for what.

I guess I could try sending the email about mom. I can just cut and paste what I already posted online. I'm scared that I'm not thinking straight enough to do anything regarding unemployment or loans, currently. But when will I be thinking clearly? I have no idea.

how can it already be a week since i got that call while i was with tyler.