waxwings

super nauseated from last night's beer and chocolate binge. but no headache thankfully.

super stressed about the birds, though. the beautiful little waxwings usually eat the winter berries through april, but the trees are already bare, and they've had to resort today to plucking what's left off the ground. the ice storm just tore everything off the trees. i hope they can make it, poor lil things. the internet says to try putting out berries and apples, we're out of berries but I can get some at the store today, maybe I'll tie a couple halved apples to the trees lol. the robins would appreciate that too I'm sure.

better to be holding hands.

might need to make myself run on the track today, to punish myself for drinking, it looks slightly less slushy out there. I could also bike in the rain to get coffee and josh's lunch from the thai cart, today, if i can avoid the slush on my bike. reeeeeeeally don't want to crash. but i need exercise so desperately. i feel awful. it's so depressing.

all the leaves are brown, and the sky is grey

k full day of work scheduled for tomorrow, oof! with some favorite people tho, yay. bringing a shovel for the sidewalk out in front of the studio, erf. can this stuff melt already sheesh.

might go to the store when I'm done with my unemployment stuff, need some foodz.

dark part of the night.

went to the store. was not fun. but got what i needed. all i want to do is read my new longevity book. i sort of lost interest in the unicorn dress. maybe after i pay state taxes, or restructure my investments, i dunno.

the oregonian sent me a copy of the obituary section from the day mom's was published, at my request. so kind of them to make sure i got that. it looks lovely. perfect, really. i'm grateful.

this heaviness of death all the time, with the backdrop of covid, and two big losses in the last year, mom and Madoc, has been tough, emotionally. crawling out of the depths, not sure how.

trying not to eat my feelings, it's really hard. i ate an entire pot of white rice earlier, it just tasted so wonderful. not a thing i usually want to eat at all. trying to get by with lemon ginger fizzy water for the rest of the night. need vampire show like whoah. but i'll do my unemployment claim first, maybe.

never went running. the weather is just too gross. i should have just toughed it out, i'd feel better if i had. oh well. work tomorrow will help shake me out of this mood a bit.

sia is still making me happy. fighting a sandstorm.