Feb. 21st, 2021

bad night.

Feb. 21st, 2021 02:54 am
serafaery: (Default)
I messed up pretty badly tonight. i really don't like the way i act when i drink. i need to do something about this. i'm just really embarrassed with how i acted with derrick and cynthia tonight, i was just obnoxious, nothing horrible, but just really stupid. and now it's 3am and i can't sleep and need some water and just to process what i'm feeling but i can't. ugh. i wish i could undo all that. sort of? it's hard. there is a relaxation that alcohol offers that i'm still not willing to totally let go of. i don't know what to do about it. but i don't know how to say no when i'm with drinking buddies (who handle it way better than i do).

we had the most beautiful day skiing, josh and i. it was so perfect. aside from the tears of grief on the way there. the sun rays through the clouds were just too beautiful. it's just too sad that my mother will never see anything beautiful ever again. and soon i won't either, and neither will anyone i ever loved. i'm not.... handling beauty very well, these days.

I think i'll drink a little bit more water and finish this episode of this horrible vampire show and then try to get some sleep.

eye to eye

Feb. 21st, 2021 04:55 am
serafaery: (Default)


I see you dancing right in front of me
I see you need some help tonight
I know that others see you smiling
But I see sadness in your eyes

Let's leave tomorrow as a mystery
Let's leave the past where it belongs
Let's let the sorrow out and give it wings
Let's watch and fly, let's give it love

I know you wanna let it out, just get it out and start flying
Baby, if you push it down, you push it down, it's like lying
So babe, you gotta feel it all, just let it go and start crying
And baby, I'll hold you, yes baby, I'll hold you, close

You need a little bit of love tonight
baby, I got it
You need a little bit of hope and I
baby, I got ya
You need a little bit of eye to eye
baby, I'm right here
We need a little bit of love tonight, a little bit of love tonight

A little bit of eye to eye, a little bit of love tonight

Fill up the emptiness inside of you
The angels come to those who seek
There's nothing now for you to do here
The only action is to be

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