serafaery

I took a small break to cook lunch for Josh and I, lots and lots of vegetables, and then dove into my inventory spreadsheet to fix a mistake there that Josh found. It took me hours. This stuff is not easy for me. I'm not finished. Well, I am, but I have to double-check my work, which I need to be clear-headed to do, which I am not, right now.

I am grateful that my pain is less, today. Not gone, my shoulder and hip are still screaming. But it is less.

Josh crawled into bed with me last night. He was rewarded by Lunar waking him at 3am vomiting on top of him.

Fortunately I was able to scoop up the cat and put him on the floor before he actually barfed.

Josh said, "You saved me!" Repeatedly.

I think this is going to be my last cat. Really. I love Lunar with all my heart, and I will see him through to the end. As I always do. But this is no way to live. Getting vomited on in the middle of the night is not okay. I chose not to have kids for a reason.

...

Rewarding myself for finishing(ish) the inventory spreadsheet with an episode of that Anna Delvey netflix show, which is soooooo toxic omg. I feel kinda nauseated after watching it.

Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

Lunar's asking for a walk. The sun came out. Gunna go do that.

...

walked the cat. was nice. mama hummingbird was sitting resolutely on her nest. I don't know if her littles have hatched, but she had her head down toward the nest yesterday, not moving, not feeding, an odd position i haven't seen a mama hummingbird in. i wonder if she was watching one of them hatch, maybe.

finished the taxes. so effing stressful, but glad to have it off my plate. hopefully no other surprises come through.

watching the inventing anna show makes me really glad i'm honest, as painful as that can feel at times. when it feels like the entire world is running a grift of some sort or another.

ate so much food that my stomach hurts soooooo painfully omg ow ow ow ow ow ow.

stress eating srsly backfired, today.

i had an entire pan of vegetables (broccoli, onions, tomato, and beets) after a half of avocado on an almond flour tortilla, a couple scoops of black rice, a cup of fruit (half a banana, half a small orange, half a kiwi, and a strawberry), then a couple bites of leftover yogurt with granola and nut butter, which was so yummy i finished off the container of nut butter (I think this was my mistake, i ate maybe.... 4 tablespoons of nut butter total? maybe more?), 2 apples, a piece of chocolate, some goji berries, and a tin of sardines. owwwwwwww omg. oops.

it's all really nutritious healthy food so i was like hey it's fine to eat this stuff, there's no such thing as too much fruits and veggies and fish and nuts, right?

wroooooooooong. ow.

yeah i just put everything in my calorie counting app and I'm like 400 calories over what i usually eat in a day, meep. huuuuurts.

i still can't make myself attend to my texts or emails. i just want to lie down.

..

okay i lied i just went through all of my texts, huzzah! doubtful i can do the same with emails tonight as it's now 8pm but hey, i got through some stuff. unpleasant emails are the worst, and some are really complicated, and a lot are asking me to do parties which i just don't want to do but it's really hard for me to find a nice way to say no to people, especially when i like them.

doctors appts and such will just have to wait until next week, since i'm working tomorrow at the studio.

i think i might lie down with my laptop and watch that last episode of that terrible show and just be glad i survived this day and am not in an ice detention center somewhere. i can't help but feel a little sorry for her.

...

it's really hard to see women who are in their early 40s on tv shows sometimes because i still just can't believe i am that old.

...

kitty on my lap.

there was something else important i wanted to write before i stick a fork in this day, but i can't remember what it was.

i never changed out of yesterday's clothes. ha.

this is a weird entry. i don't like march. i don't like getting "how to survive the first hour of a nuclear attack" video suggestions from youtube first thing in the morning.