bluetooth earbuds that stay put?

since pandemic, it seems like the only way i can read is to listen to audiobooks.

i love this form of taking in books, but my left ear rejects my ear buds. they constantly fall out of that ear. (my right is only slightly better but at least i can chew very slowly without the right one popping out... sometimes.)

any recommendations for a bluetooth earbud that stays in?

i'm okay with something that wraps around my head if it comes to that, as long as it doesn't pinch and give me headaches.

tia <3

notes on Wanting.

started listening to my Wanting book today and instead of learning about mimetic desire, i feel like i'm learning about fundamental business strategies and fundamental ways to understand value and fulfillment in my own life. need to take some notes, here.

(my life has been uncontrolled chaos since getting back from the lookout, i'm completely disorganized and pulled in a hundred different directions, and while being in chronic pain, this leads to paralysis. I currently have over a week's worth of unanswered emails and texts. not a great way to run a business, when I am literally my business. people pay to spend time with me, to utilize my skills and to glean magic off of me. i can't just ignore them for weeks at a time like this and expect to continue to have any sort of income. sheesh.

anyway. i think the flywheel analogy is good, where the first goal of the business model leads to the next, and eventually leads back to the first again, so that it naturally propels itself forward. i want to write this down.

and the core values relationship to desire is even more important, just for myself, and figuring out, okay, what am i going to try to accomplish, today, to head toward fulfillment and move toward what is important to me, personally.


(This concept is from another book by Jim Collins, called Good to Great.)
Mimetic desire tends to move in one of two cycles. Cycle 1 is the negative cycle, in which mimetic desire leads to rivalry and conflict. This cycle runs on the false belief that other people have something that we don't have and that there isn't room for both the fulfillment of their desires and ours. It comes from a mindset of scarcity, of fear, of anger.

Cycle 2 is the positive cycle, in which mimetic desire unites people in a shared desire for some common good. It comes from a mindset of abundance and mutual giving. This type of cycle transforms the world. People want something that they couldn't imagine wanting before, and they help others go further too.

...There is not a linear process of continual improvement; there is a critical point at which momentum takes over, and the process begins to power itself. Mimesis too works like the flywheel. It accelerates in a non-linear way, in both positive and negative cases.

It's possible that we can set up our lives in such a way to maximize the momentum of desire.

Positive flywheel of desire: It contains the principle within it to help it achieve its purpose. Once you construct a flywheel and get it moving, it takes on a life of its own and begins to self-organize around an objective.

Everyone has to construct their own flywheels. There is no one flywheel for fitness, for example. Yours might look completely different from mine. The most effective personal flywheels come from people who know themselves well. You probably already have a tacit knowledge of things that will increase or decrease the likelihood that you're going to want to do them in the future.

The key is to make the cycle explicit. Then to put it in motion.

Tactic 5: Start positive flywheels of desire.

Desire is a path-dependent process. The choices we make today effect the things we'll want tomorrow. that's why it's important to map out as best we can the consequences of our actions on our future desires. Start by thinking seriously about what a positive cycle of desire might look like for you. Start with a core desire. It might be spending more time with your kids, having more leisure time, or writing a book. Then map out a system of desire that makes it easier to bring that core desire to fulfillment.

Write it down. I suggest that each step in the flywheel be one sentence, contain the word "want" or "desire" and link to the next step in the process with a connector, like, "so that," or "which leads to" or "which makes."

Here's an example from an ecommerce company that put a flywheel in motion for its customer service team, which had been complacent and unmotivated.

1. We want our customer service team to feel empowered to take ownership of decisions. So that,

2. Customers feel they are speaking to someone with authority, and therefore want to continue speaking to them instead of asking for a manager. So that,

3. Efficiencies are created that allow managers to spend less time talking to frustrated customers, and more time managing projects they want to be working on. So that,

4. We can create a discretionary bonus pool administered by managers who want to reward customer service team members who take ownership of decisions. So that,

5. The customer service members want to take more ownership of decisions.

Yours doesn't need to have 5 steps, but make sure each step inevitably leads to the next, and that the last step in the process leads back to the first.

edited for public consumption

I took a small break to cook lunch for Josh and I, lots and lots of vegetables, and then dove into my inventory spreadsheet to fix a mistake there that Josh found. It took me hours. This stuff is not easy for me. I'm not finished. Well, I am, but I have to double-check my work, which I need to be clear-headed to do, which I am not, right now.

I am grateful that my pain is less, today. Not gone, my shoulder and hip are still screaming. But it is less.

Josh crawled into bed with me last night. He was rewarded by Lunar waking him at 3am vomiting on top of him.

Fortunately I was able to scoop up the cat and put him on the floor before he actually barfed.

Josh said, "You saved me!" Repeatedly.

I think this is going to be my last cat. Really. I love Lunar with all my heart, and I will see him through to the end. As I always do. But this is no way to live. Getting vomited on in the middle of the night is not okay. I chose not to have kids for a reason.

...

Rewarding myself for finishing(ish) the inventory spreadsheet with an episode of that Anna Delvey netflix show, which is soooooo toxic omg. I feel kinda nauseated after watching it.

Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

Lunar's asking for a walk. The sun came out. Gunna go do that.

...

walked the cat. was nice. mama hummingbird was sitting resolutely on her nest. I don't know if her littles have hatched, but she had her head down toward the nest yesterday, not moving, not feeding, an odd position i haven't seen a mama hummingbird in. i wonder if she was watching one of them hatch, maybe.

finished the taxes. so effing stressful, but glad to have it off my plate. hopefully no other surprises come through.

watching the inventing anna show makes me really glad i'm honest, as painful as that can feel at times. when it feels like the entire world is running a grift of some sort or another.

ate so much food that my stomach hurts soooooo painfully omg ow ow ow ow ow ow.

stress eating srsly backfired, today.

i had an entire pan of vegetables (broccoli, onions, tomato, and beets) after a half of avocado on an almond flour tortilla, a couple scoops of black rice, a cup of fruit (half a banana, half a small orange, half a kiwi, and a strawberry), then a couple bites of leftover yogurt with granola and nut butter, which was so yummy i finished off the container of nut butter (I think this was my mistake, i ate maybe.... 4 tablespoons of nut butter total? maybe more?), 2 apples, a piece of chocolate, some goji berries, and a tin of sardines. owwwwwwww omg. oops.

it's all really nutritious healthy food so i was like hey it's fine to eat this stuff, there's no such thing as too much fruits and veggies and fish and nuts, right?

wroooooooooong. ow.

yeah i just put everything in my calorie counting app and I'm like 400 calories over what i usually eat in a day, meep. huuuuurts.

i still can't make myself attend to my texts or emails. i just want to lie down.

..

okay i lied i just went through all of my texts, huzzah! doubtful i can do the same with emails tonight as it's now 8pm but hey, i got through some stuff. unpleasant emails are the worst, and some are really complicated, and a lot are asking me to do parties which i just don't want to do but it's really hard for me to find a nice way to say no to people, especially when i like them.

doctors appts and such will just have to wait until next week, since i'm working tomorrow at the studio.

i think i might lie down with my laptop and watch that last episode of that terrible show and just be glad i survived this day and am not in an ice detention center somewhere. i can't help but feel a little sorry for her.

...

it's really hard to see women who are in their early 40s on tv shows sometimes because i still just can't believe i am that old.

...

kitty on my lap.

there was something else important i wanted to write before i stick a fork in this day, but i can't remember what it was.


i never changed out of yesterday's clothes. ha.

this is a weird entry. i don't like march. i don't like getting "how to survive the first hour of a nuclear attack" video suggestions from youtube first thing in the morning.